Monday, September 6, 2010

Too far in advance

I've always been an extreme planner and I'm sure I should thank my parents for that.
I can remember the exact day my brain began to pursue things that I wanted years in advance. At the age of 6 at my first national twirling contest my dad said to me, "Do you see that girl in the burnt orange jacket that says 'Feature Twirler' want to be her one day." And it began...
15 years later, I had been that girl, graduated from college in three years, received a job at a Big Four accounting firm and had everything that I could have possibly wanted. I never would have considered over-planning a bad thing. If it was possible, I dreamed it, put my head down and made it happen.
Plans changed. Things fell apart. I was lost and then found again. And in the end all that planning did help my career, but at what point should that plan have been adjusted? Did I just set goals and achieve them without any implication along the way that maybe my plan was somewhat bogus? Did I just plow over those red flags to get what I had dreamed up a few years before?
It's been a hard habit to break, but now, while making plans or thinking things through years in advance, I try to stop, bow my head, and say, "Dear God in heaven, please help me to remember that you're in control. Help me to quit freaking out and let things play out like they should. But if you could please let the Longhorns win another national championship...I'd be most grateful (jk...kind of). Amen."
When my future plans begin to happen, I hope I've been through enough to sit back every once in a while and say, is that still what I want? And if it it good for me? Am I being challenged? Am I a better version of myself because of it?

"Trust the Lord your God with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."

I hope to keep seeking God at every opportunity.

Friday, August 6, 2010

If time were infinite

Do you ever get the feeling that there is so much to see in this world and you don't have near enough time to see it all?!
I do. Almost ever day. I can't get enough. Not even in Texas. I want to go to Krause Springs and Guadalupe Peak and Concan and the many beautiful Texas rivers, etc. I want to experience it all.
Getting in the car and driving for hours makes most people makes me exceptionally happy. The road...comfortable car...great music...LOVE it!

When I worked for Ernst & Young, I traveled to Chicago for training. Do you think I stayed in my hotel room before and after trainings were over? What do you think? I was up at 6:00 am down at the pier trying to consume every bit of Chicago. I went to see all the touristy places and then the hole in the wall Chicago dives.

I love how large cities are the same and yet so different. Dallas for instance is highly crime driven in downtown, where as Chicago is quite safe downtown.

In June, I took a trip to the Grand Canyon all by myself. It was the best experience and so incredible. I do love traveling with friends, but sometimes it's nice to be alone. So...I'm doing it again!

I'll be in Boston for training at the end of August and will be using the trip to my advantage. I will hit 7 states in 7 days. Maine, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and New York!

I grew up in the middleofnowhere, TX and I'm interested to see the rural community of Wells, ME and how it compares. I'm sure it will be a million times prettier, but will still have the same warm feeling of being safe and at home. I'll see the sunset on the beach in that small town. An experience I'm sure I'll always remember (and of course capture on camera)!

"Isn't that weird, to take a trip by yourself?" No. And I'm not sure why not. I wish I could explain how it makes me feel. I do enjoy the company of others very much, but it's mind clearing; being in the middle of no where by yourself. Meeting new people. Just observing and getting a grasp on the environment around you.

"Are you soul searching?" Haha, anyone who asks this is always thinking in their head..."Poor girl, she really isn't ok and needs to find herself." Which consequently makes me laugh and shake my head because I know they just don't get it. And it's ok that they don't...I don't mind. If it were true , than I've been "soul searching" my whole life. But I think I just really love what God has created; in people of different background and cultures and in the diverse
land through this world. I hope I can just see a fraction of it!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Today's favorite

I hadn't heard this song before today and it's one of my new favorites...
"I'd like that a lot" by Stephen Ashbrook

Sometimes I'd like to take you and run away
Just back up the car and drive
We'd head out west 'cause the west is the best
It's the best that we could find

It's got the biggest blue skies you've ever seen
Nothing 'neath be dancing you and me
Oh, I'd sure like that a lot

Sometimes I feel like a great glass car
In a great big dirty lot
Either way you lose it's just up to you to choose
If you even move or not

And I'm losing ground and I'm losing piece by piece
Girl I need a change
Oh, I'd sure like that a lot

Sometimes I think we oughta kiss it all goodbye
If we're never gonna leave 'cause
I can't stand the thought of you and I
Stuck here another day

And I'm losing ground and I'm losing piece by piece
Girl I need a change
I'd gotta run, run away
I'd gotta run, far away
Oh, I'd sure like that a lot

I'd sure like that a lot

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


"Don't you just wish you had a time machine and could take back the last few years? Then everything wouldn't be so hard and complicated for you..."

When I think about my closest friends right now and the amazing people I've met over the last 4 years, I can't imagine not having them in my life. These people have an intense perspective on life, a level head on most situations and a need to help those around them. They feed on positive energy and healthy relationships. And they're protective; there for me when I need them most and I definitely try to show them the same affection.

I've learned so much over the last few years...
I learned who would stand by my side and who would judge, come to conclusions and walk away. I learned that in the face of judgement, others would truly pick themselves and say whatever they could to make themselves look more superior, even if it were at the cost of others. I learned to 'speak softly and carry a big stick'. I learned that even though things may seem unbearable at times, the best has yet to come and someone, somewhere always has it worse.

So, sure, it's been hard. Sure, it's been complicated. Sure, I've been torn up. Sure, I've been degraded and looked down on. But, I've learned invaluable lessons. I've met amazing people. I've bounced back in an incredible way and I've never been as happy and proud to be who I am because of it all.

I wouldn't go back. I wouldn't take the easy route. I wouldn't change a thing, because God knows what's best. He knows our path and I trust in him. I'm truly happy and more myself than I've ever been. :)

“When I look into the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes.”

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ok, really…it’s time…let it go.

This started out with a bitter/opinionated undertone:

“I don’t believe you have to lose part of yourself to be with someone.

I do believe that the perfect person will accept you for exactly who you are.

I don’t believe a marriage has to be structured with a male monetary provider and a female housewife.

I believe that couples can go on separate vacations with friends and be ok as long as their relationship is strong and full of trust and admiration. And I believe it’s necessary to have time away from your significant other.

Insert another…I’m unconventional and don’t feel the need to fit in a societal box.”

As most of you know, I’m extremely independent and take pride in being self made. I embellish in the fact that I don’t need a guy to make me happy or to make my life complete. I made that “mistake” of letting someone in and was more dependent and look where it got me...

The truth is…I’m a little tired of being bitter. I’m ready to be a little more open to the idea of…I don’t know…letting a guy buy me dinner without being in physical pain. Ha.

In the end…I’m going to keep going with the flow, having a good time, loving being single, but be more accepting of the possibility that if I find someone that I like that I’ll let them in. I’m not the cheesy hopeless romantic type, but I want to be smitten…eventually. :)

Love this song ->

"Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before the king
And say I’m clean, I’m clean

But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

A white blank page
and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think
when you sent me
to the brink, to the brink
You desired my attention
but denied my affections, my affections

So tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

Aah, aah...
Lead me to the truth and I
will follow you with my whole lie
Lead me to the truth and I
will follow you with my whole lie
Aah, aah..."

Monday, June 7, 2010

Time for myself

I had not heard of this book until I saw the previews with Julia Roberts a few weeks ago. It's called, "Eat, Pray, Love" and here's a snapshot:

"I got started early in life with the pursuit of sexual and romantic pleasure. I barely had an adolescence before I had my first boyfriend, and I have consistently had a boy or a man (sometimes both) in my life since I was fifteen years old...each overlapping the next, with never so much as a week's breather in between.... And I can't help but think that's been something of a liability on my path to maturity."

That was exactly when I had my first boyfriend and how I've gone about dating for NINE years!

"Elizabeth had everything that a woman is suppose to want - A loving husband, country home, and a successful career but although she lived what seemed like a perfect life, she couldn't figure out why she still felt so unfulfilled (Did someone capture my life in a book without me knowing?). This New York Times Best Seller is about her a journey to three different countries in order to find divine peace. I read about her pursuit of pleasure in Italy, her pursuit of devotion in India and her pursuit of balance in Indonesia."

I've taken the recent initiative to let it all go, be single and focus on myself. I'm assuming this book will further inspire me to let it all go and chase after those dreams that I once thought I would never be able to achieve in my current situation.

Making it happen's really happening this time. I'm Grand Canyon bound! Like I've said before, I've never been and it's time to stop sitting on it and just get it done.

My batteries are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standing here, gas can in hand. I hate to admit I'll probably break a bone. 'Cause I'm leaving to the Grand Canyon, don't know when I'll be back again...ok that's enough...

There's a new moon on the night of June 12th and I can't wait to see more stars than I've ever seen! I'll map out my journey here:

Map of entire trip:,+TX&daddr=Grand+Canyon+Village,+AZ&hl=en&geocode=FRHXzQEdK48s-ikvA8ygmbVEhjF61WnUS0abXQ%3BFSQGJgIdNapQ-Skl4_-VTxczhzGhniKadMLMuA&mra=ls&sll=35.986896,-111.74469&sspn=1.253422,2.112122&ie=UTF8&t=h&z=6

2,200 miles in 3.5 days.

Thursday night(5pm - midnight) - Leave Austin for Lubbock to see the family and get a free meal and lodging.

Friday (8am - 8pm) - Drive to the Grand Canyon, see the stars, explore. Drive back to Tusayan to hotel.

Saturday (5:30am - 3pm) - Drive to the Grand Canyon, see the sunrise, explore.

Saturday (3pm - 10pm) Drive to Albuquerque, NM to see my cousins. Meal and lodging.

Sunday (8am - midnight) Drive back to Austin to record said exploration.

Solitary road trip. Just me and some music. Getting into the deep beautiful melancholy of everything that's happened.

Wish me luck...I'll probably need it.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Obsessed with now

My 24th birthday was this weekend and let's just say that I have the best friends a girl could hope for. 22 of us floated the river, while the best BBQer in Texas (I'm completely convinced) made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
It has become an annual event that started last year on my 23rd birthday. I needed to get away, forget about things and surround myself with the people who loved me. I thought that I needed that time to relax and figure things out. Figure out where I was headed and what I wanted to do with my life here on earth. Have I figured it out in the past year? No. But has anyone?
The human race is transfixed with wondering what will happen in the future. Where will they be in 5 years, 10 years from now. These are popular questions asked on "about me" surveys. Psychic jobs exist for this reason. I have no data to back this up, but I would assume that college students' and graduates' greatest worry is..."what now?" When the stock market crashed in 2008 (also known as "The Panic of 2008"), that's exactly what happened, people panicked. What's going to happen next...stress, stress, stress. It's just ingrained in our minds and I would assume even more in American minds.
I have figured one thing out in the past year. I don't want to be obsessed with the future. I want to be obsessed with now. I want to be more accepting of the fact that it's ok to not know what will happen tomorrow, but hope to transfer that fear I have of knowing...into a knowing of knowledge and not obsession with the future.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Never alone

At first it was really hard...actually, hard doesn't come close to describing it. It was torturous to describe what happened a year ago and the events leading up to it. Think of something in your life that you worked on day in and day out and having it fail. Multiply that by 100 and add love and offending words and dismissal and not being able to do a thing about it. Then imagine being asked about it on a daily basis. And having to explain it over and over again and trying not to lose it every time.

Quotes from cheesy movies like this got me through...
"So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed...You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling."

But's much easier. I can explain how alone and awful it was and not cry...which is what I did last night. Explained the events. Explained that I was alone...and then I realized...I wasn't alone.

Maybe I felt that way at the time, but there is always a constant in our lives that we need to remember. God. He's always there. He's always watching. And he knows best. I knew this, but I never explained that part of the situation.

So no matter how difficult the situation. No matter what you're going through. Take a minute and have a little talk with the One who will never let you down. :)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Forever Young

In 25 days, I will be 24. We will each turn a year older whether we want to or not throughout this year, but let's remember that we can always stay young at heart (so cliche I know, but keep reading!) :)

My grandma sent me this article a few years ago that I have hanging by my desk at work and I thought you might enjoy it.


1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches.)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath . And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

And in light of this of my favorite songs.

Forever Young - Bob Dylan

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Where I stand now

I hated every bit of competitive twirling. The costumes, the makeup, the 7 hour a day practices during the summer and 3 hours each day during the school year. I hated that I missed out on camping trips and sleep overs and birthday parties. I hated that I didn't get to be a "normal kid." I hated all of it...except for the competitors (all which I still dearly love) and where it lead me 12 years later.
I grew up adoring the University of Texas. I watched every football game and basketball game I possibly could with my dad starting at the age of 6 and I knew that's where I wanted to go to school! When I made twirler at UT, I was beyond thrilled. I would get to watch my favorite team from the field.
I wasn't into the glitz and glamour or the popularity of being the UT twirler. I saw the bigger picture and knew that twirling wasn't going to get me where I wanted to be in life. But as I stood on the field as Vince Young ran the ball in to score the winning touchdown at the National Champion game, it all became worth it. The torture, the sweat, the tears and the missed birthday parties; it all had purpose.

Some of my best friends are graduating from college or have in the past 5 years and I assume that's what it felt like to them when they finished school and received their offer letters and started their first "real" job. That "ohhhhh, it was all worth it" feeling. But maybe that's not what you felt. Maybe it was..."ohhhh, this is NOT where I wanted to be."

Maybe the end result will not be what you expect and maybe you're not loving what you're doing, but I challenge you to give it your matter what, because the end of this path you're on...just might be worth it.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

And we're off!

"Put your hands on the wheel
Let the golden age begin
Let the window down
Feel the moonlight on your skin"

I'm taking this journey alone and hope to "get into the deep beautiful melancholy of everything that's happened." This will be a life experience that I feel I will always remember.

"To have never taken a solitary road trip across country? I mean everybody's got to take a road trip...Just you and some music."

Like I've said before...I'm a very loving person. I've driven in the middle of the night on multiple occasions to see my boyfriends when they were away, but this time...I'm driving in the middle of the night...for 3.5 days...for myself!

My bags are packed, a plethora of music in hand...Grand Canyon here I come! :)


When I get an idea into my're probably not going to change it...

One time I remember in particular was my 2nd year in college. Picked up my boyfriend at the time and his best friend and headed where. In fact, I can't even remember where this was...but we went with no destination in mind and a need to get away from the normal path. Pictures of our "adventure:"

I took a look at my bucket list this afternoon and thought to myself...what can I possibly do that doesn't require a ton of cash and expensive airline costs? Grand Canyon.

So...I'm going. It's insane considering the total drive is 40 hours and I only have a weekend, but I'm doing it! I'm leaving Friday after work and taking the trip by myself to get some good ME time! I'll take lots of pictures and come back with most amazing story.

Monday, April 26, 2010

What's your love language?

If you have not read "The 5 Love Languages," by Gary Chapman, you should definitely do it. Guys, that means you too! Whether you're not dating, been in a 2 week relationship, or married for 30 speaks to everyone.

Don't want to read it but want to know what your "love language" is? Here you go:

After all of that advertising...I don't believe I fit into any of these categories. Although if I HAD to choose one that fit me the most it would be Acts of Service. Words of Affirmation...not me. Guys can say all day that they will, "give me the world," but until they show me...I won't believe them. Quality Time...closer to my love language, but quality time just isn't enough. Receiving Gifts...the farthest away from my love language. Physical Touch...definitely a good starter, but not a good finisher.

Having gone through what I've gone through in the past few years...I must say that my absolute love language is "partnership."

--I'm a strong woman who needs a stronger man to put up with me. I'm a business woman, who loves intellectual conversations that challenger her, loves to volunteer and give to others, but does not like to cook or clean or put away laundry (although I will do all three). I'm a HANDFUL and not made to be anything close to a housewife. But that's always been me and I don't pretend to be anything else. So, I need someone who will accept me for who I really am and not someone that they think I will become.--

"Power and control are two of the most significant issues in any relationship." There is constantly a power or control struggle when there doesn't have to be. Find what strengths you have and what strengths your partner has and talk about them and make them work if you want your relationship to work for the long haul. Do you have some of the same strengths? Then play off each others strengths and work together, not apart.

--Let it be known that I am not a feminist, but beleive that women can be strong and there are men that love that and can put up with it.--

Then there is respect. Do you completely respect the person your with? Every aspect of them? If you don' will show and they will become embarrassed of that part of them that you don't respect...even if they are ok with it themselves. Be respectful.

Control, power, and respect. Three things that you should constantly be aware of and how they are affecting your relationship.

"Who are you to give relationship advice?" Maybe not, but I know what doesn't work.

Monday, April 19, 2010

All Grown-up

Apparently, I'm getting older and no one told me. One month away from 24 and I have 18-20 year olds calling me "Mam" and am going to sleep at 10 every night. I'm in that awkward stage where I have friends who are younger than me and consider me "a legitimate grown-up" and friends who are older than me and consider me "a baby." Most of the girlfriends I grew up with are married and/or have children. (Ok, ok...I was one of them, but I maintain that marriage doesn't mean your life makes a 180...I'll save that post for another day.)

The important part is...I don't feel old and therefore I will not act like it! ;)

Thursday, April 15, 2010


I might have paint in the crevices of my toes, between my fingers and underneath my nails (it's not like I haven't had major meetings with upper management today...whoopsie), but I'm fairly proud of myself. My living room is BLUE! I normally would have gone with something like tan. Something easy, something safe. But in light of this years concept...Go Big or Go Home. it is! Really excited to show you guys pictures once I have time between work and painting to head to the store to get batteries for my camera (granted I could have probably done that while I sit here and write this blog).

The bathroom is next. The wallpaper is down and the plaster shall commence tonight!

On my Sweet Leaf cap, which is quite appropriate: "NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF"

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


I'm no longer a nomad! I have a place to call mine and I'm in love!
Everything I own is in my townhome...but not put away.
I have 3 home improvement projects going on at once.
My neighbors are young, have dogs and no kids (except for this amazing little boy that I met in his best Spidey underoos! Oh, his name is Mace.).
I'll post before and afters, but let's just say I've never painted a wall, removed wall paper or texturized a wall and I will be doing all of them! That mixed with my amazing ability to hurt myself at every occasion should give forth for some amazing stories to come...stand by.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Freeze Frame Time

Forgot to post this...

I honestly have no idea where to start, but I HAVE to document how amazing my first week back in Austin has been.

Thursday: Austin sendoff with my Dallas bffs! Thanks guys...I miss you and had a great time! :)

Friday: Last day of work at Lennox. Finished my last project. Said my goodbyes. Was pretty sad to leave and drive away for the last time. (We'll pretend that I finished packing everything up by Saturday and am well prepared to move my furniture in a month.)

Saturday: Packed up my closet and headed South. Went apartment hunting and went with the older two story townhome in Barton Hills. Move there in a month.
Walked town lake. Ate at Austin Java...delic. Went bowling...killed it.

Sunday: Kite fest.

Monday: Mt Bonnell. Went from eating a chili-dog on the side of 6th street to an exclusive MacGruber premier party put on by

Tuesday: Took Raechel kayaking for the first time. Met strangers. Had a 2 hour conversation while we shared our picnic and played frisby with Turtle.

Wednesday: St Patty's Day. First day of work. Pin the shamrock on the naked-butted leprechaun. View of the beautiful hills in southwest Austin and town lake from my desk. Free lunch and dinner. 4th street. Fados. Awesome.

Thursday: Megan came into town to see me!

Friday: It's finally hitting me...this is where I live now. I'm back. Wishing I could freeze frame time because I'm in love with this city and everything that is going on right NOW. :)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


When I begin to look at where my life is now and where it was a year ago, the amount of changes are impressive. What's more impressive are the similarities between 2006 Whitney and 2010 Whitney. Somewhere along the way (and this is not meant to hurt others) I lost perspective. I went from not knowing what "Seven" jeans were to not buying any other brand. Wanting a Toyota 4-Runner to buying a Lexus. Worrying about the children at Helping Hands Home for Children and hoping to save the abused children of the world to worrying about what time I needed to get my hair highlighted. I wanted acceptance. I wanted approval. I wanted to be loved. I let other influences affect me and take me over. I gave up on adventure and travel. The possibility of backpacking across Europe, ministry trips in Africa or scuba diving in Costa Rica. I let suburbia in and I couldn't get out...until it kicked me out.

I stand here today...changed. Not by choice, but none the less for my own good.

I'm so excited about the new possibilities that lie ahead! I just got an offer with Whole Foods in Austin and I couldn't be more thrilled! Back to my favorite city with a job that I’m lucky to have! I'll be a full-fledge hippie in no time! :)

I hope to write about my journeys as I seek out my dreams, because Austin is just the beginning! :)